The 8 Myths of Monogamy
I ALREADY KNOW that I am going to ruffle some feathers with my fellow Sisters. And for that, I’m sorry. Please know that I’m not saying this with the intention to HURT you, but to help EMPOWER you.
Now that we’ve gotten that out the way, I have to say this: MONOGAMY IS BULLSHIT.
There. I said it.
Monogamy is a mythical beast whose existence has caused way more problems than it has EVER solved, and has ruined relationships that otherwise would have been able to withstand the trials and triumphs that are a natural part of a relationship dynamic. Monogamy has also destroyed families that might have otherwise remained intact, and has lulled many a female (myself included) into a false sense of security.
And this has all been based on a societal concept that has ZERO to do with our (African American) cultural paradigm.
Disagree? Then, read on.
Myth #1: Monogamy is the KEY to a successful relationship. If that were really the case, why is the divorce rate so high? One of my best friends recently divorced his wife of five years, NOT because he was “unfaithful”, and NOT because she was “unfaithful”. He never laid a hand on her; he always treated her with respect. They didn’t have money problems. She didn’t want for material possessions. Even now that they’re divorced, he STILL speaks of her with GENUINE love AND respect.
So, WHAT was the problem?
The ex-wife didn’t want to SUBMIT, neither to the Creator, nor to the Ancestors. She didn’t want to follow the RIGHTEOUS GAME PLAN her husband had laid before her.
And, WHY was that?
That’s simple: White Supremacy has TRAINED the Black female into believing that the focus in a relationship should be on HER, at ALL times. The ONLY thing my friend required of his wife was that she READ and STUDY (The Mis-Education of The Negro, The Destruction of Black Civilization), WORK with him in the community, and ELEVATE her MIND so that she could LIVE IN HER PURPOSE, and be of SERVICE TO OTHERS. But since it wasn’t what SHE wanted to do, and it wasn’t HER idea, she didn’t do it.
And, that was a WRAP.
It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be a Spiritual person in relationship with someone who REFUSES to grow Spiritually, and a Spiritual person is NOT going to compromise his relationship with the Creator in order to placate a person who won’t even TRY to do what’s right.
Myth #2: ONLY a monogamous relationship can validate your “worthiness” as a suitable and desirable mate. If you’re seeking validation of your worth through your relationships, know this: Even if your guy is telling you the truth about being the “only one for me”, and he truly believes in his heart that there ain’t nobody better than you, if you’re an insecure partner with a constant need for reassurance, you’ll run him off. There’s ZERO upside to being in a relationship with an emotionally needy, co-dependent person. It’s psychologically and physically draining, and BEYOND irritating. Nobody owes it to you to spend the better part of his life trying to “fix” you. That’s YOUR job.
Myth #3: Monogamy is natural. Monogamy goes against the “computer code” the Creator used to “program” males. It’s really that simple. Everything in civilization that naturally occurs, humans have ACCEPTED WITHOUT CONFLICT. The sun doesn’t cause us disquietude by virtue of its existence, but if it “disappeared” one day, we’d notice that. If cows all of sudden stopped eating grass, and started eating PEOPLE instead, that would make us do a double take. In that same vein, if a male was meant to be monogamous, if that was part of the natural order of things, it wouldn’t be HARD for him to be monogamous, and he wouldn’t have to LIE about being monogamous. He’d JUST DO IT.
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